Unable to source this as I downloaded this almost 2 years ago.  Food porn intercut.

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than
Three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I’d had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

sherlock-study:

My stationery EDC.

These are things I almost always have with me. Though the other contents of my pencil case changes often, these end up staying.

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OHTO Cut Pro 2+1 Scissors/Boxcutter

  • Okay so I really can’t find its actual name, but this thing is super convenient and includes a tiny pair of scissors and a tiny boxcutter in a pen-shaped package. The scissors are secured by a latch thingy so it won’t spring out and cut you.
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Tombow PiT Pen-Style Glue Stick

  • Again, I can’t seem to find it’s actual name. This is a refillable glue stick, and despite being very delicate, the glue doesn’t seem to get smudged everywhere or randomly decompose. The blue color turns transparent upon drying.
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Pentel Correction Pen

  • This is good old white out, and though I prefer correction tape over correction fluid (I do usually bring correction tape with me) this works better when I’m trying to fix small mistakes, especially when I’m writing Chinese or Japanese characters.
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Uni Kuru Toga Pipe Slide Mechanical Pencil

  • This is not your average Kuru Toga. It’s rotating engine goes twice as fast, and there is this pipe-slide mechanism that protects your lead from breaking. It’s not the most comfy pencil to hold, but for comfort I use the Alpha Gel Kuru Toga. Side note-the Alpha Gel is excellent for people who have arthritis in their wrists or fingers.
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Uni Style Fit Multi-Pens

  • I have two 5-color barrels filled up with 10 refills of different colors. To be frank I rarely use colors when I study, but it’s good to always have options around. The refills are easily obtainable in Taiwan. It really saves space.
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Pentel Handy-line Retractable Highlighter

  • It’s a retractable yellow highlighter. Since I either only bring the most generic highlighter with me or lug my entire Mildliner collection around, I decided to go with this classic refillable beauty of a highlighter. If only they made one in Mildliner grey.
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Pilot Juice Up Gel Pens (Blue-black and Orange)

  • I don’t like Juice pens because they are rattle and are often inconsistent. The Juice Up line looks better and fixes all these problems. I use orange for memorization (the red board trick!!!) and blue-black for my planner and notes.
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Tombow Mono Graph Multi

  • When I heard about this pen I had to get it. Within the barrel are two ballpoints (red+black, but Jetstream refills fit!) and a 0.5 mechanical pencil. At the top is a high-quality twistable eraser. Not that stubby crap you get with other multis.
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Miscellaneous

  • Ruler (mine also includes a protractor, some circle stencils, and grids, lol), 2B lead for my pencils, and a Sakura Arch foam eraser in black.

mossworm:

All Kirby artwork is very powerful, but special shoutout to the official enemy art style from Kirby’s Adventure. Does anyone know the illustrator(s)?

(via shnubs)

reylosanctuary:

moofmilk:

clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead:

goldenheartedrose:

frogsaremyfriends:

cubhelios:

icouldhavebeenabutcher:

gamzeemakarasober:

potterlovermore:

THIS IS THE TIGHTEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN

okay you had me at Kylo

Oscar Isaac’s HARMONIZING THO

THIS IS THE BESTT THING OKAY

Always beautiful.

Lupita. *swoons*

I was gonna be like what does Harrison Ford not like joy

Unwritten rule of Star Wars fandom: always reblog this post

Instant happiness

(via blukiwi)

Witchy EDC

irisedwhisperer:

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Originally posted by thewitchystuff

An EDC, short for Everyday Carry, is a set of items you carry around every day to assist you with your common problems, as well as emergency situations. These usually include, for normal people, flashlights, knives, wallets, smartphones and multitools.

But we’re witches and that means that the span of “common problems” and “emergency situations” we might encounter is a bit more… peculiar. This is why if one wants to be a fully, personally prepared witch, their EDC should contain some more items than the usual ‘muggle’ one.

This kit idea is different from a portable altar/witch kit in the sense that it is not designed to be your complete resource in a mobile, compact form, as many closeted witches treat their portable supplies, but rather a help set for times when you don’t have time or place to tackle stuff in a more elaborate way. A kind of set that allows you to perform a vast variety of spells from types of magic you might want to do on a daily basis,

Here’s a couple items you might want to carry around in your EDC if you’re a witch, grouped by use:

Basics

  • tealight candles/birthday candles
  • lighter/matches
  • marker pen
  • knife
  • reference copies of your most commonly used sigils (if you can’t draw them from memory)
  • clear quartz
  • basil
  • pieces of paper/sticky notes (for writing incantations or sigils down)

Protection

  • salt packets
  • acorns
  • bay leaves
  • black salt/charcoal tablets (charcoal tablets will come in handy if you have tummy problems, too)
  • rosemary (if you get rosemary essential oil, it can also be used to de-congest your nose and improve mental focus!)

Healing

  • amber
  • ground garlic (also useful to spice your food up ;))
  • mint (also useful for tummy aches)
  • chamomile
  • green aventurine/jade
  • carnelian

Social

  • glamoured lip-balm/lipstick with your common blessing (courage, charm etc.)
  • lavender
  • thyme
  • tiger’s eye
  • Peacekeeper’s powder

Self-care

  • rose quartz
  • sodalite
  • amethyst
  • orange peels (dried)
  • chocolate

Aggression

The herbs can be carried in packets made from plastic straws or as teabags, which you can brew to make an instant potion or tear to have the dried herb itself available. 

(via )

jonbrnthal:

i just found out merriam webster has a time traveler feature that tells you some of the words that were “born” the same year as you. it’s pretty neat yall should do this

(via charybdishwater-deactivated2018)